


Maybe We're Crazy

by Ragequit4



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Kisses, M/M, Runaway, crazy teenagers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-18
Updated: 2014-04-18
Packaged: 2018-01-19 22:16:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1486066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ragequit4/pseuds/Ragequit4
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Oneshot. Ever since the Fall of Trost, Eren has been confined to cage after cage and when he reaches his breaking point Jean is there to bring him back.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Maybe We're Crazy

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own shit!
> 
> This was a oneshot I wrote a while ago and since I'm getting behind on updating my other work I figured I'd put some old stuff up as substitute. 
> 
> In this Eren and Jean aren't really a couple they just sort of have this understanding since they both have gone through a lot since Trost fell and yeah. This was also supposed to take place after the 57th expedition, but the manga has progressed since I've written it so if something doesn't match up that's why. 
> 
> Anyways,  
> Hope you enjoy!

It was in a fit of insanity that Eren left the castle. Voices saying all the right things to make him cringe made his head swim. Nightmares plagued him each night creating dark circles under his glassy eyes. The walls weren’t closing in, but they stood sturdy and unmoving; a constant reminder of his imprisonment. He shivered in the cold underground having not seen sun or another living being for far too long. He felt drunk and sick. When he finally stood from his place in the corner, the dark room spun and shifted quickly pulling his feet from beneath him. He coughed, horrible hacking breaths that never left him with enough air; not that he had enough room to breathe in here anyways. He didn’t know the time or day. At one point he became aware that he was screaming at those insulting, unmoving walls. When his voice gave out he went over the edge. Eren never thought he’d feel so lonely from not hearing his own voice.

Eren reached his breaking point several hours after his voice disappeared. With lack of anything better to do he paced the floor, stepping over the long chains that kept him bound to the wall. He fidgeted with his shackles as he felt them cut into his wrists for what felt like the millionth time since he was locked away. He had to keep his mind clear. No goals. No aspirations. If he turned titan in the dungeon he’d be locked away forever, or killed. 

Eren didn’t fear death; it was something he’d witnessed almost daily since the Wall Maria broke down. Yet, he didn’t want to die himself. He’d gladly give his life for a comrade, he already had to Armin in fact, but to be killed by humans while locked in a dungeon, rather than killed by a titan fighting for his dream, that would be just too cruel. 

He started trembling, letting the thoughts of being given to the Military Police to be imprisoned forever or dissected on a table run though his mind. His foot snagged on one of the chains and he fell to the floor, his knee dragging across the floor and tearing his pant leg on the way down. He stared at his exposed kneecap. Levi would throw a fit if he saw.

Suddenly, Eren became horribly, awfully aware of how filthy, sick, and lonely he was. How fucking crazy he was. How much he had forgotten about the world outside this stupid basement until such a mundane thought about Humanity’s Strongest crossed his mind. Levi, Mikasa, Armin, Jean, Hanji, Sasha, Connie, Ymir, Christa, Erwin…even those who he couldn’t see anymore, Marco…and Mom…he wanted to see the ocean with them. 

Doubled over and wracked with coughs he snapped. He tore his shackles from the wall and let the pain in his wrists envelope him. When he resurfaced from the heat he was met by a cool, midsummer night’s breeze. He yanked his hand free from the titan arm’s bicep and ran for the horizon, barefoot and delirious, but for the first time in forever, free. 

The commanding officers of the Survey Corps woke when one of the soldiers guarding the basement relayed the news of a large, gaping hole replacing Eren’s door, but despite the lack of subtly, the young titan-shifter had slipped out of the castle and into the night. Erwin quickly sent out search parties, but morning came and went with no sign of the brunet.

Levi, Mikasa, and a few other elites went out on horseback to search just outside Wall Rose on the off chance that Eren made it over the wall. The squad returned with no casualties, but also no Eren. By nightfall of the next day Erwin was bent over a desk writing a letter to the king, telling of his folly. 

Eren could not be found until he wanted to come back, such is the determined nature of the kid. Levi scoffed into his tea when Erwin voiced this, but even the corporal knew just how true those words were.

The entire Survey Corps knew it had been a bad idea when Eren was confined to the basement for solitary confinement after the latest expedition. Though he had broken protocol and this was the only way to keep the Military Police off their backs, both Erwin and his subordinates sensed the danger in putting Eren away. 

“Tch. That shitty brat better come back.” Levi scowled at the table. The room remained silent because not a single person disagreed…

It wasn’t any search party that found Eren, though. He also was far from ready to go back, but he didn’t hide or try to fight Jean when the young male approached Eren from behind. The sun had fallen lower on the horizon signaling evening.

“What are you doing you asshole?” Jean asked crossing his arms. “Do you even know how fucking insane everyone is back at base? Levi had to find a new punching bag and dislocated my shoulder the day after you left. It’s total shitsville.”

“Sorry.”

Jean was taken aback at the apology. He honestly expected Eren to be his difficult self or try to run. “Hah? You’re apologizing?”

Eren shrugged. “Yeah I guess.” From behind he looked utterly defeated.

Jean had trouble finding words for a moment and sputtered. “Wh-just-you…What’s wrong with you?!” Then Eren finally looked back at him and Jean saw it all. Eren wasn’t holding back or anything. In those brilliant green eyes Jean could see everything that went through Eren’s mind in the basement. Eren knew Jean could see it too. This insanity.

“Was I in there for a long time?” He made a huffing noise that sounded like a cross between a cough and a laugh and brought a hand to his face. “I mean I can’t even remember why I was locked away.”

“Eren.” Jean took a step towards Eren.

Eren continued as if he never heard Jean. “Ever since I joined the Survey Corps I’ve been locked in dungeon after dungeon. I never see the sun or any people.” He turned his back to Jean again. “I was afraid that I might never see grass or the sky again. Or any of the 104th.”

“Eren.”

“I’m probably overreacting a little. I bet I wasn’t even in there for that long. I’m just out of my mind over everything.” Jean understood. Eren was falling apart. He knew the feeling. He experienced it when Marco died, but he also learned that sometimes a change like that needed to happen. He needed to be pushed over the edge to make a decent decision. Not that he was justifying the death of his best friend, but he became a better person from that loss. Maybe Eren would change for the better too.

Jean didn’t say anything this time. He watched as Eren’s form silhouetted against the orange horizon. The pair stood in silence for a long while, both understanding and awkward. Jean normally would loath to say he cared for Eren and no doubt Eren would punch out anyone who assumed he and Jean liked each other’s company, but at this moment to Eren, Jean’s was the only presence that didn’t scare him. The two felt a mutual familiarity.

Eren took a look around. The world felt disjointed. Even Jean seemed out of place though he was grateful for his being there. “I think I’m insane. I feel different, like I’m drunk all the time. I’ve had too much time to think and maybe everyone would think I’m not such an idiot anymore, but still. Like I still hate them, but I know that winning this war won’t fix everything. You understand? Maybe not…I figured I might not have to explain it to you.”

Jean was seeing the same as Eren. How nothing quite fit. Everything was so fucked up. The titans, humanity, it didn’t matter which side you picked because no matter which of the two won this particular war, humanity was probably screwed for eternity. What Jean didn’t know is that Eren pondered these things too. Why was he so intent on fighting then?

“I get it. But, why do you try so hard if you figured that out?” Jean inquired.

Eren shrugged again. Lazy. “I don’t know maybe because it’s easier?”

Jean laughed at that. “I never pegged you as someone who wanted the easy way out.”

Eren laughed too. It was a sort of sick laugher that eventually dissolved into a series of coughs. “Well I’m an idiot. I want what I want and I can’t always explain it. I’m a fucking lunatic.”

“That’s for-fucking-sure!” Jean sneered. “Don’t worry I am too.” Then he sobered a little. “Are you gonna come back?”

“Don’t know,” Eren answered slowly.

“Well, there’s kinda two options here. You could book it while you have the chance. Escape the walls and try and do things your own way…I’d let you go…or you can come back and be a cave dweller until we do our next expedition.” Jean started weighing the options himself. What would he pick if he were Eren?

He continued. “If you go out on your own, you’re probably going to die. Maybe you could have convinced your two butt buddies to come with you, but going back to get them now would just cut off your escape…But if you come back, we might take too long. When will humanity deal a large blow to the titans? Probably not for a while. Is it worth it to work with the team if you might never see the outside world like you want?” This was defiantly a decision he would have trouble making.

Eren was silent for a long time before simply answering, “I wanna see the ocean.” Jean was about to say something along the lines of ‘that doesn’t answer my question,’ but Eren finished before he had the chance. “I wanna see the ocean with everyone who’s still alive when we get there.” Jean breathed out. That still didn’t answer his question, but he decided to drop it.

Eren noticed his face was wet. His green eyes trailed down to his feet where there were drops on the ground. He wished it was raining. He realized he’d been trembling for a while. The same little breakdown he had a few days earlier threatened to bubble back up. Too much thinking. Too much thinking. He just wanted to go outside with everyone! Was that too much to ask? His hands went to his hair and he pulled, needing something to anchor him.

He gasped when he felt warmth at his back. Two sturdy arms snaked around his shoulders as Jean embraced him from behind. Eren let the tears overflow. They dripped onto Jean’s sleeves. Eren slumped into Jean letting the older boy be his support, his anchor.

“Don’t cry. Eren doesn’t cry,” Jean pointed out. His voice was muffled as he had said it into Eren’s hair. Eren nodded and grabbed Jean’s hands.

He laced his fingers with Jean’s and asked, “Do we have to go back right now?”

“No.”

A few hours later they sat together in some woods near Wall Rose’s interior. Eren laid sprawled across the forest floor staring up at a gap in the trees. Jean was propped up against the roots of a large sycamore that stood not far from where Eren laid. Since earlier Jean was sure Eren’s crazy was contagious. The past couple hours and even their earlier conversation felt like a crayon scribble. Just blurry and strange, yet he found himself grinning like an idiot as Eren dragged his hands and feet in the dirt as he made something akin to a snow angel. 

“You look like a fucking princess!” Jean jabbed. Eren laughed, genuine and boyish, before looking back up at the sky and sighing.

“I like it here. There’s enough gaps in the trees where I can still see the sky and stuff, but I don’t have to look at those butt-ugly walls.” Jean nodded even though Eren probably couldn’t see.

Jean stood up and walked over to Eren before leaning over him from his standing position. “Just come here when you go bat shit crazy again.” 

Eren laughed again. “Hey, come here.” Eren motioned his head closer. Jean complied, but when he leaned over more Eren quickly shot up and wrapped his arms around Jean’s neck and yanked the taller boy down next to him. Jean fell the rest of the way with a short yelp.

“Eren!” Jean yelled. He grumbled, yet he didn’t get up and instead got comfortable on the ground. “I really hate you.” No answer. Jean copied Eren and looked to the night sky. In this large forest with the sky stretched so far and the delirium and tiredness setting in, Eren sounded really far away when he spoke. Jean didn’t catch what he said, but he felt that this time it wasn’t really important enough to ask.

“How’d you even find me?” Jean caught that one.

“Because I know you and how all this feels,” Jean answered. Eren hummed. Then struck by something strong and inexplicable, Jean leaned over and pressed his lips to Eren’s temple. He caught the edge of Eren’s mouth twitch up as he pulled back. Neither of them said anything for a long while. 

The night blended together after that. Jean became aware of himself as he ran with Eren in the night, when they spotted the full moon, as he trailed kisses down Eren’s collarbone in time to soft moans, when he woke up in the early morning in a tangle of limbs, and again when they walked back slowly toward the castle.

“Thank you.”

Jean saw Eren’s mouth form the words, but when the sound reached his ears he failed to make the connection. He did realize what Eren said when the brunet leaned in and touched their lips together. It wasn’t a kiss full of passion or exhaustion or fear like last night. It was perfectly innocent and lasted only a second before Eren pulled away, but it said volumes more than any other time they kissed last night.

Jean gave in to the high. He kissed Eren back just as sweetly and spoke words of endearment rather than words of hate. He had let the night take him and Eren. It was strange and disjointed. Nothing made sense and nothing was right. There was just one thing they could both hope for and that was to make the most of their time together and here. Such was the nature of this world. It was in a fit of insanity that they returned to the castle.


End file.
